Halloween is almost upon us and if you’re smart, you’re worried about one thing and one thing only: the zombie apocalypse. Sure, it might seem a little convenient for the zombie outbreak to begin on All Hallow’s Eve, but that’s just what the zombies want you to think. So make the smart choice, and be prepared.
Lucky for you, you have a dog. And your dog is about to become super useful, zombie-wise. Here are the top five ways your dog is going to keep you alive when the zom-pocalypse breaks out.
1. Early Warning System
You’ve always been impressed by your pooch’s ability to hear you open a bag of chips from two stories away, but those incredible ears are about to save your life. Do you hear that zombie shuffling your way, looking for his evening meal? No? Don’t worry about it: your dog does. In fact, your dog heard that zombie coming the minute it stumbled out of its dark little hidey-hole. He immediately alerted you, so the two of you have already moved out of its path and into safety. In fact, you’re already settled into your new safe house and enjoying a cold can of beans you stole out of a deserted gas station. Yum.
2. Zombie Containment
Can zombies be herded? Your dog is about to find out. Lots of dogs have herding backgrounds (think Collies, Cattle Dogs, even Rottweilers), which will come in super handy when you’re being surrounded by a herd of walkers. Your pooch, guided by one of those handy silent whistles, will round up those walkers and keep them away from you and your family.
Plus, in the Sidewalk Dog universe of zombie attacks, dogs can’t catch the zombie virus or carry it to infect healthy humans, so your pooch is perfectly welcome to nip at zombie heels to maintain order. All you’ll have to do is get yourself a fenced area for your pooch to drive them into. Problem solved!
3. Infection Alerts
It’s a tough reality of the zombie apocalypse that people get bitten. And when they do, they don’t always like to admit it. (You know, because it usually ends with them being immediately killed by their allies.) But what if your human ally was bitten during the day, and then he turns at night, when you’re all snuggled up and asleep? Well, that would be awful. Because now you’re a zombie. Or you’ve been eaten.
But fret not! Because you know how service dogs can smell when a diabetic person’s blood sugar is low? We’re pretty sure dogs can also smell when someone’s about to become a zombie. Your dog has a keen, keen sense of smell, after all, and knew the instant your buddy took the infection into his system. And because your pooch is such a smartie, she told you all about it and, in the process, made sure you didn’t get your brains eaten. Congratulations!
4. Training Partner
Rule #1 of the zombie apocalypse is that you need to be able to get moving on a moment’s notice, and you need to be able to keep. moving. Being able to run long distances and to run them quickly can make all the difference in your survival, so you’re gonna need to start training ASAP. But training can be hard on your own, even when your life is on the line (“but there’s a new Scandal!”), so you’ll be really glad you have a training partner: your dog! He’s a great runner! (And if he’s not, well, then you’ll need to start training to help him get into shape too.) Either way, someone’s helping someone get ready to out-run some brain-eaters, and getting into shape is all about having an accountability buddy.
Being an American, you’ve seen the Tom Hanks classic Castaway. And even if you haven’t, you still know that he makes best friends with a volleyball named Wilson. Lucky for you, though, if you find yourself alone in a post-apocalyptic world, you have a dog to offer you companionship. A real, living, breathing creature who isn’t a piece of sporting equipment. And we gotta say, as lonely as this dystopian world has the potential to be, that’s definitely comforting. So find a sleeping bag fit for two, snuggle up with your little fuzzbutt, and make sure to put extra dog treats in your zombie preparedness bag. (Yes, you need a zombie preparedness bag. Pack water bowls.)